Still grieving | 

Dear Maura: My sister won’t let our late mam go and goes to grave nearly every day

“She tends the grave so well but I feel that she is not helping herself to let our mother go. She’s 44 and has had a boyfriend for the past 10 years. I’d love her to get married.”

Sad woman. Photo: Stock image

Maura O'NeillSunday World

Dear Maura: Our mother died two years ago. She was 88 and had been sick for a few years.

We all knew it was coming and had made peace with it, as much as anyone can.

My eldest sister has been going to the grave nearly every day since then. There are fresh flowers always there.

She tends the grave so well but I feel that she is not helping herself to let our mother go. She’s 44 and has had a boyfriend for the past 10 years. I’d love her to get married.

I’ve told her how worried I am about her and that she should try not to go to the grave so often. But she just doesn’t get it.

Answer: Everyone grieves differently and some people feel they are close to the person that has died when they’re at their graveside.

But your sister does seem to need these regular visits, which to me is an indication that she hasn’t grieved fully.

Would she agree to go to bereavement counselling do you think? It would be so beneficial for her to talk to someone about how she feels, and the need to visit the grave so frequently at this point.

It’s important that you keep in regular contact with her. Try to get her to talk.

Just support her with love at this time, especially when she needs you.

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